Sunday, November 7, 2010


I'm aggravated at someone and am annoyed that I am aggravated. =)
When we moved I thought I'd put everything behind me and SHE wouldn't bother me anymore.
Why do I have to let my feelings take control and allow this person to annoy me? Why can't I just let it go?

I was on facebook yesterday and found a comment she'd made. It was innocent enough and I doubt anyone else knew what she was commenting on. But linked with the other comments she'd made I knew she was talking about me. Maybe she wasn't, but even if I'd read all of the comments wrong I just couldn't stop thinking about it.

Four years ago my husband and her husband asked me to keep trying to be her friend. 
"She's shy." 
"Her husband said she's lonely and she'll come around." 
"She really likes you, keep trying. She's just a quiet person."

I should have followed my gut and left well enough alone. Someone who doesn't return your calls doesn't want to be your friend. But I persisted and kept trying because it meant something to some people that she have a friend.
I never got that friend. Instead I got four years of wondering if she was mad at me or at her husband and taking it out on me. Four years of her calling me every day and getting mad when I spent time with other people besides her. Four years of her inviting other people over just because she'd seen me talking to them and not inviting me to join them. Four years of her belittling my weight, my talking, my parenting, etc. Four years of my poor family listening to me vent and wish that I had a real friend and not just a friend when it was convenient for her.
After two years I gave up and started putting distance between us. It took her a whole year to get it. Consequently the last year I was there was miserable. One day she hated me and the next she was inviting me on a date so we could discuss what went wrong in our friendship.
Nothing went wrong because it started out wrong. I just got tired of trying to be a friend when I wasn't sure if she was mine.
She has her good qualities. But the hot/cold part of her personality and the clinging was just more than I could take. Can't I just leave without a stink being made. If I treated someone like crap I don't think I'd try so hard to get them back if they left me. Maybe that's just me.

Then I saw this comment (among others) on facebook and it all came back again.

If you love my kids and are really nice and sweet to them, chances are I will love you too!
I know it sounds like, duh...but I have had a friend not hang out with me because of my kids...and today I was with someone who was playing really nice with my kids and they were hugging her and it just warmed my heart.

I treated her kids like they were my own. I babysat them, played with them, brought them gifts and she even asked me to be their parent if something should happen to her and her husband. So she must have thought at one time that I was treating them nice. But now that I won't hang out with her it's all about her kids? 
Well maybe it is!
When you act a certain way your kids copy you and become just like you. It's a constant worry of mine. =) A parent has to always be on their guard that they don't say things they don't want repeated. Kids are huge copy cats.

Her son thought of Dominic as his brother and if you mistreat your brother he has to love you anyways. I don't know how many times I had to talk to Dominic. "I know that ______ didn't mean to do/say that. He really DOES like you. And I want you to remember how it felt to be treated like that so you never treat someone cruelly."
I shouldn't have to convince my son that his friend likes him in spite of the bullying, hitting and name calling.
The daughter was worse. I've been bitten, kicked and had my hair pulled by a two year old. NOT fun. But when it starts happening to my little girl it's a whole different story. 
Her children may only be children. They can't always help how they react if not given the proper instruction. But I refuse to allow my children to be abused because she is too busy on her iphone to worry about them. I refused to let her watch my kids again. I came over and looked into her glass door and saw my daughter eating pennies. She was no where to be found. I sat on her couch for 3 minutes (yes, I timed it) waiting on her to come and check on Caitlin. Caitlin could have been dead by then.
Her kids are sweet - some of the time. I used to hold them on the couch and read to them. I missed the sweet hugs her son would always give me and wish that somehow their mom could have been a different person.
According to the husband their son cried when we left both times (when we moved and when we went back to visit). But my son didn't cry. He hasn't been bullied since we left and it's been a relief to both of us.
And so yes! Maybe it is because of her children that I am no longer her friend. But even if we hadn't had children I still wouldn't have wanted to continue the relationship.
I met a lady here in Cookeville. She acted just like my old "friend."
My husband asked them to supper and I was relieved when they weren't able to make it. I won't ask them again. I don't ever want to be in that situation again. I don't like being annoyed. It annoys me. =)

So there is my rant. I'm hoping it's out of my system now so I don't have to be filling my blog with unpleasantness. But then that's what this blog is for - my thoughts. So in the future I will endeavor to have nicer thoughts. =)

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