Heartsick

My tears are falling and my heart is breaking. I can't stop crying and asking God why. It isn't fair that because of the sins of grown ups that little children must die. Why can't He just let them live? I know that life isn't fair and that it is breaking His heart right now too, but that doesn't make me feel any better. That sounds horrible, but it's true. I just want Him to come back and get us so we don't have to cry (and die) anymore.

How do you tell a child that their sibling is gone? Gone for the rest of their life. How do you break the news to a parent that their baby isn't going to make it. How do I explain to my baby boy that one of his dear friends won't be at school tomorrow? How do I tell him that she's gone. I can't comprehend it myself. I can't stop crying and I just want to wrap my arms around my friend and tell her that it's going to be okay. But it's not. If my heart is breaking, I can only imagine what she's going through right now.

I think part of what is making this so difficult is the suddenness. I saw them (the kids) today in the school hallway. I was at a meeting with her dad last night. I talked to her mom on the phone this week. And now a bright, vivacious, sweet little girl is gone.

I made an extra special dessert for my son to take to school tomorrow. It won't ease the pain, but it's all I can do. I'll pray with him and cry with him. But he's going to learn at the tender age of five that best friends die and life can be really, really sad. And I don't want that for him. I want him to be happy. I want my friend to have her daughter back. I don't want to cry. I don't want my heart to hurt so bad. 

I want fair!

My kids are asleep, but I'm going to go in and give them hugs and kisses!