Monday, November 29, 2010

Susy Homemaker Part II

Part II (if you haven’t read part I click here.)

I actually don’t mind the housework any more and I had to know the reason why. There are several reasons. We now live in a larger home where it isn’t so noticeable if things are out of their places. Each child has their room and their own toys stay in their rooms. They don’t use the living room as a play room as much anymore.

I joined FlyLady. This has helped break the cleaning down into manageable parts so that I do a little bit each day and then I have the rest of the day to do things with my kids. This is more fun anyway and so I’m happy and the kids are super happy.

I felt like I was (after 4 years) finally “getting it”. I had systems for things so stuff didn’t get out of hand. I know what meals my family likes and what new recipes they might go for. I have a plan for cleaning. I know that my children are independent and like to help so I build extra time into everything. I’m more comfortable in my job and so I’m less scared of failure. I used to be so nervous and uptight whenever we would have company (including family). What would they think. What if something went wrong. Well now I know what to do if something goes wrong and I’m mature enough to realize that my friends and family will still love me if everything isn’t perfect.

Years ago I read a book called The Five Love Languages. It was insightful and also depressing. I found out that Jon’s love language was acts of service and yet I couldn’t even keep the house clean. Like I mentioned in one of the previous husband challenges I knew what he liked and wanted from me and yet I would get so depressed because I wasn’t doing what I knew would make him happy. I had this perfect goal to obtain and somehow would never reach it.
Jon hasn’t ever expected perfection from me and is happy with whatever I can give him. It was my wanting to be the perfect wife.

Since we moved here I’ve been waking up earlier than the kids every morning to spend some quiet time having devotions. The first couple of months I focused on Proverbs a lot. They seemed full of advice for a wife and mother. This inspired me to find other verses about being a good wife and mother to my family. And I think this was the final thing that helped me to love my “job”. I don’t have to be perfect. But I DO have to show my love to my family. They love the good food and clean house, I know. But they also seem to love the happier and calmer me. Its hard to get stressed about a mess when I just read that morning about peace or patience. It’s hard to spend all day cleaning when I realize that my children are growing up so fast and I might miss something amazing in their life if I’m busy reading a book or mopping a floor.

There are several benefits from this change in my attitude. My children get to play with me more. My house is actually cleaner. We have more money to spend in other areas because I’m cooking more instead of us eating out. But the blessing that will hopefully be around for years to come is the gift I can pass on to my children. I want them to look at being a homemaker as the greatest job in the world. I want Caitlin not to dread or be scared of having her own home. If I can teach both of my children that God’s ideal for them is to be a blessing in their home then I have truly accomplished something.

I was reading a blog called Homemaking On A Whim. She had written a series of blogs that really got me to thinking. She brought up the question of whether a woman should work before she has children. I know that since we didn’t plan to have children this thought never crossed my mind. But we decided to have children one year before we started trying. What would my life have been like if I had quit my job then and stayed home to “practice”? My job was super stressful. I was stressed the entire pregnancy. I loved my job, but it wasn’t calm. I was always uptight/stressed about something or someone. My co-workers weren’t always the easiest to work with. My boss was NEVER easy to deal with. And sometimes the patients caused stress as well. Would Dominic have been different if I’d had almost two years to practice for him coming? Would my pregnancy have been easier? How can I change my outlook and my instructions so that Caitlin and Dominic view homemaking differently than Jon and I did? Should they view it differently? It really gives me something else to think about.
For right now I think I will be teaching my children that staying at home was the best decision I ever made; that my job is fun and a joy. Teach them to use their money wisely so that they can make that decision when the times comes and not feel pushed for the mom to go back to work.

I’m sure that a lot of the mom’s who go back to work do it because they want to. And I understand. I really, really do. But what would happen if all of the moms out there taught their children that the main job of a woman was to be a homemaker? Is this too old fashioned of a thought? I still do things to make money for my family. And maybe someday I will go back into the workforce. But if I teach my children that my greatest contribution to the family is being a wife and mother than neither of them will be against the idea when the time comes in their own families. It is an ongoing thought that I will continue to “chew” on. But for now I’m going to show my joy and love for my job so that I can be a great example of how my homemaking job can be a blessing to our family.

I follow several blogs that deal with how to be a better homemaker, wife and mother. They aren’t working for money. But they are working for God. At the same time they are blessing their families they are also blessing mine. This is my goal - to be the type of wife and mother that God wants me to be, but also to be an inspiration to others.

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