Sunday, November 6, 2011


Disclaimer: This story is allegorical and has adult content. 
Please read accordingly.

Have you ever met someone so annoying and hateful that you wished them dead? I have! Don't hate me, because I know that at some point in your life you've met someone that  you disliked so strongly that you thought of how your life would be better without this person around.

Let me tell you about Patty. I grew up hearing about her and how awful she was. But she was the mythical person that I secretly wanted to meet to see if she was truly as bad as everyone said. Then one day she moved in across the street. Holy Cow! This woman was pure evil. She laughed at pain. She loved to embarrass everyone and the rumor going around was that she'd killed a few people. I dreaded the very sight of her and her words caused many a tear. I hated her and wanted her dead with the hatred only a child can produce.

Years went by and I tried to leave her in my past. Nothing doing. Patty seemed intent on making my life miserable. I tried moving, I tried changing schools. I even introduced her to other people hoping that she would leave me alone. I'll admit I felt bad for my friends. It only met that she now made their lives miserable as well.

I would have brief breaks of time where she would disappear from my life, only to come back with a vengeance intend on making my life a living hell. I was complaining about her to a friend when she surprised me. 
"Why don't you just get rid of her?"
"And just how am I supposed to do that? I've tried everything. She's here for good."
"Well, no." Pause "I know a guy that will get rid of her for you. But it will cost you about $2000."
I was stunned. Why hadn't I realized this before? Could I really do this? I was scared and yet thrilled at the same time. I talked it over with my husband. Patty had made his life, through mine, miserable  too. It wasn't as bad, but he certainly wasn't fond of her.
We looked at our savings and decided I would at least talk to the guy.

It was kind of scary. How do you ask someone to kill a person? Because essentially that's what I was doing. What if he didn't believe me? What if he was lying to me? Would he take my money and run?

He explained that he would try. And the $2000 was up front. If it didn't work, he wasn't going to try again. It would just be too risky for both of us. 

What a decision!

So about 5 months ago, I forked over $2000 and I killed Patty. It wasn't pretty. She hung around for two months after "the guy" did his job. I was sure I'd wasted my husband's money and that the man had screwed up. But one day I noticed she hadn't called and I hadn't even heard anything about her. I called a friend and sure enough - She was DEAD!

Please don't hate me! Until you've faced pure misery and watched it affect your family and friends you'll never understand why I did what I did. I'm a much happier person now. 
And I'll be honest - I'd do it all again in a heart beat.

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