Susy Homemaker Part II

Part II (if you haven’t read part I click here.)


I actually don’t mind the housework any more and I had to know the reason why. There are several reasons. We now live in a larger home where it isn’t so noticeable if things are out of their places. Each child has their room and their own toys stay in their rooms. They don’t use the living room as a play room as much anymore.

I joined FlyLady. This has helped break the cleaning down into manageable parts so that I do a little bit each day and then I have the rest of the day to do things with my kids. This is more fun anyway and so I’m happy and the kids are super happy.

I felt like I was (after 4 years) finally “getting it”. I had systems for things so stuff didn’t get out of hand. I know what meals my family likes and what new recipes they might go for. I have a plan for cleaning. I know that my children are independent and like to help so I build extra time into everything. I’m more comfortable in my job and so I’m less scared of failure. I used to be so nervous and uptight whenever we would have company (including family). What would they think. What if something went wrong. Well now I know what to do if something goes wrong and I’m mature enough to realize that my friends and family will still love me if everything isn’t perfect.

Years ago I read a book called The Five Love Languages. It was insightful and also depressing. I found out that Jon’s love language was acts of service and yet I couldn’t even keep the house clean. Like I mentioned in one of the previous husband challenges I knew what he liked and wanted from me and yet I would get so depressed because I wasn’t doing what I knew would make him happy. I had this perfect goal to obtain and somehow would never reach it.
Jon hasn’t ever expected perfection from me and is happy with whatever I can give him. It was my wanting to be the perfect wife.

Since we moved here I’ve been waking up earlier than the kids every morning to spend some quiet time having devotions. The first couple of months I focused on Proverbs a lot. They seemed full of advice for a wife and mother. This inspired me to find other verses about being a good wife and mother to my family. And I think this was the final thing that helped me to love my “job”. I don’t have to be perfect. But I DO have to show my love to my family. They love the good food and clean house, I know. But they also seem to love the happier and calmer me. Its hard to get stressed about a mess when I just read that morning about peace or patience. It’s hard to spend all day cleaning when I realize that my children are growing up so fast and I might miss something amazing in their life if I’m busy reading a book or mopping a floor.

There are several benefits from this change in my attitude. My children get to play with me more. My house is actually cleaner. We have more money to spend in other areas because I’m cooking more instead of us eating out. But the blessing that will hopefully be around for years to come is the gift I can pass on to my children. I want them to look at being a homemaker as the greatest job in the world. I want Caitlin not to dread or be scared of having her own home. If I can teach both of my children that God’s ideal for them is to be a blessing in their home then I have truly accomplished something.

I was reading a blog called Homemaking On A Whim. She had written a series of blogs that really got me to thinking. She brought up the question of whether a woman should work before she has children. I know that since we didn’t plan to have children this thought never crossed my mind. But we decided to have children one year before we started trying. What would my life have been like if I had quit my job then and stayed home to “practice”? My job was super stressful. I was stressed the entire pregnancy. I loved my job, but it wasn’t calm. I was always uptight/stressed about something or someone. My co-workers weren’t always the easiest to work with. My boss was NEVER easy to deal with. And sometimes the patients caused stress as well. Would Dominic have been different if I’d had almost two years to practice for him coming? Would my pregnancy have been easier? How can I change my outlook and my instructions so that Caitlin and Dominic view homemaking differently than Jon and I did? Should they view it differently? It really gives me something else to think about.
For right now I think I will be teaching my children that staying at home was the best decision I ever made; that my job is fun and a joy. Teach them to use their money wisely so that they can make that decision when the times comes and not feel pushed for the mom to go back to work.

I’m sure that a lot of the mom’s who go back to work do it because they want to. And I understand. I really, really do. But what would happen if all of the moms out there taught their children that the main job of a woman was to be a homemaker? Is this too old fashioned of a thought? I still do things to make money for my family. And maybe someday I will go back into the workforce. But if I teach my children that my greatest contribution to the family is being a wife and mother than neither of them will be against the idea when the time comes in their own families. It is an ongoing thought that I will continue to “chew” on. But for now I’m going to show my joy and love for my job so that I can be a great example of how my homemaking job can be a blessing to our family.

I follow several blogs that deal with how to be a better homemaker, wife and mother. They aren’t working for money. But they are working for God. At the same time they are blessing their families they are also blessing mine. This is my goal - to be the type of wife and mother that God wants me to be, but also to be an inspiration to others.

Hospitality - Poor vs. Rich

Years ago when Jon and I were poor colleges students and then again when we moved to NC we made a promise to ourselves that we would never "act rich" regardless of how much money we might have someday. We even had this joke that we were secretly wealthy and we were just pretending to be poor. 

We'd seen how people react to those they think are wealthy and we didn't want to be treated that way. It also seemed to make poorer people feel uncomfortable to be in the homes of the wealthy. Wealth seems to intimidate those who've never had it. And I NEVER want my friends to feel too uncomfortable to come to my house or afraid to invite me to their house because of how I might live.

I've made several new friends here in Cookeville and recently two of them were invited to my home. It's amazing to me but both of them made a comment on how inviting my home was (were you talking about MY house?) and how they weren't afraid to invite me to their home because I wasn't wealthy. Both of them made comments about other mutual friends that they felt uncomfortable in their homes because they seemed so much more well off. One girl mentioned going to a home where everything was obviously purchased from a very pricey store. Most of my furniture and accessories are mismatched, from less expensive stores or given to us. At first I wasn't sure how to feel. Did that mean I looked poor? I have a fixer upper, two kids, two dogs and a cat. All of which make my home look very lived in. I'm not the greatest at decorating and can't seem to keep the toys picked up for very long. But then again, do I want to look rich? No, not really. I want my home to look homey and inviting. Even if I serve soup for lunch I want the guests to feel comfortable and loved. So I'm really hoping that is what they meant.

Now to clarify - Jon and I aren't rich. We probably won't ever be. But if we were willing to go into debt for a home, cars, etc. we could probably appear a lot more wealthy than we do now.

So it seems that I would not have two friends (and possibly more) if I had been willing to go into debt to buy some of the homes that Jon and I were looking at. 

I certainly didn't go this route to make more friends. =) But I'm glad that my home makes my friends feel comfortable. And I am going to continue to invite my friends over and make them feel as comfortable and welcome as I can.

Like many other virtues, hospitality is practiced in its perfection by the poor. If the rich did their share, how would the woes of this world be lightened!

Mrs. C.M. Kirkland

Take care to keep open house: because in this way some have had angels as their guests, without being conscious of it. 

Hebrews 13:2 BBE

 When God's people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality. 

Romans 12:13 NLT

Marriage Challenge - #6

Make him a priority. Ask him what his favorite dinner, dessert and drink are. Be sure to serve him all three one night this week. Bonus: cook his favorite dishes all week long!

When I read the challenge this summer I thought "no problem". We were sitting in that hotel room and I had just made a menu for our first month in our new home. Jon and I had sat on the bed and put everything we could think of that we were craving and missing while we were eating out every meal. This included full meals every night and desserts on Sabbaths.

By the time we got into our new home we were so ready to eat a home cooked meal that I think we were almost willing to eat anything. But since I'd had the time to prepare a menu with grocery lists and recipes it was easy to execute. I realized how easy it would make my life if I just continued this.

I've been able to cook at home most evenings now instead of eating out. If we do eat out it's because we want to and not because there isn't anything in the house.

But what I realized today when I pulled this challenge up was that it wasn't just about meals.

I read a poster when I was a pre-teen that has stayed with me ever since. It says -

"Love is what's best for the other person."

I've tried very hard to treat my husband and my marriage by this.

Jon's family was here part of this last week and this weekend. On Sunday morning Jon, his dad and his brother went mountain bike riding. Now I knew that they would be gone longer than the time they'd said. Dominic had his Little Lamb class at 3pm and Jon has always gone with him. It's during Caitlin's nap time and I've used this as my non-children time. I didn't want Jon to go on the bike ride. He had been gone on a business trip and I felt like we hadn't spent any time together and I was missing him. I also didn't want to miss my non-child time if I had to be the one to take Dominic to his meeting. 

I was being supremely selfish. Jon needed that time with his dad and brother and it was only a small amount of time in the whole grand scheme of things. But that didn't stop me from pouting in my mind. And since I've been living with my dear husband for over 14 years I'm sure he knew I was in a foul mood.

While he was gone I began to feel very guilty. It didn't stop me from feeling selfish, but it certainly convicted me that I had not been loving my husband and making him a priority. He needed this time with his family and needed the exercise as well since he hadn't been able to ride his bike while on the business trip. I knew that I should offer to go to Dominic's meeting with him if they happened to return before 3pm. My husband is an amazing man and they were back by 2:30pm. Since we live about 5 minutes from the church this was plenty of time for him to change and go to Dominic's meeting. I told Jon that I would take Dominic. 

But I was still grouchy and selfish about it. 

The meeting was loud and cold (for some reason the heat was never turned on and some of the class was outside in the cold and wet). I had a headache and was miserable. I became a martyr and kept telling myself "I sure hope he appreciates this."

But I was doing it for all of the wrong reasons. My priority should have been Jon and not my selfish heart. Just because I eventually did the right thing didn't make it right unless I did it in love.

So this week I will work even more on changing my heart to show my husband my love and to make him a priority in my life. He's the best husband a girl could ask for and I need to show him how I feel.

Susy Homemaker Part I

I’ve been thinking about some of the reasons that I don’t mind the homemaker part of my job anymore. It has so many different reasons and there is also a back ground story to it all.  It will probably take at least two blogs to explain so I’m posting them in parts.

I started working (for pay) when I was 14 years old. Jon had said that he didn’t want children. So when we married I planned to work until I retired. Well God changes minds and Jon decided he wanted to have kids. Both of our moms stayed home with us and so we both just assumed that I would stay home with the children. But I was a reluctant housewife. I hated cleaning, cooking and pretty much any part of housework. I didn’t feel creative or good at any of it. So for a while I balked at the idea and then, knowing it was what I was “supposed to do”, I agreed.

For some reason I made the assumption that it would take a while to get pregnant. One and a half months later I was pregnant. We were building our house at the time and my paycheck was providing the funds for us to pay cash so we wouldn’t be in debt. Jon tried to guess how long it would take and told me that our son would be about 4 months old when it was complete. As you know from my previous blog it was closer to 9 months, but I digress.

So we talked about it and decided that he wouldn’t remember those first 4 months of his life and so I would continue to work until the house was done and then give my notice. I was missing the working girl life and was ready to jump back into the swing of things. I didn’t know many moms since we’d thought we weren’t going to have kids and most of my friends had started a family long before we did. Our ten year anniversary was one month after Dominic was born.

 

After Dominic came home from the hospital I would sit in my house and stare at the walls. He slept so much and since Jon was working and then going out to the building site he was never home to help make a mess. So it was just me and the house stayed de-cluttered. It wasn’t really clean since I hated to actually clean. I was SO ready to return to the life of work.

I had found a great person to watch my little one and I returned to work. My boss wasn’t the world’s greatest and I had to go up into the attic storage area to pump at least 2x a day. I was rushing on my lunch break to the babysitter’s house to feed him and when he wouldn’t eat I would get so upset. This was our time. He was supposed to be awake. Work wasn’t the fun I’d remembered it being. It was awful. Someone else was watching my baby smile and grow.

To make a long story short I turned in my notice and by the next week was home with my son. I was so excited to start this new chapter in my life. But then reality hit. I was bored and hated my job. Oh, I loved being with my son. He was the most precious thing in the world. But the assumption was that since I was home I should do the laundry, clean and cook something at least once in a while. We couldn’t afford to eat out or go anywhere and I struggled with being unhappy the whole time.

Nine months later we moved into our new home. It was so much fun and I was so excited about having a smaller place to clean. Somehow I thought this would make it easier. It actually made it harder. Any little thing out of place was more noticeable and everything had to have a place or the house looked awful. I now had a child to pick up after as well. And I was fast learning that they don’t care how much mom wants the house to stay neat. Messes are more fun.

 

Two years later my daughter enters the world. Small house gets smaller. Piles of toys get larger. Distance from town seems longer. Housework is still boring and awful.

One and a half years later Jon gets another job offer and we move to a new state, town and home. And for some reason, in that transition, my attitude towards homemaking changes. It’s a work in progress. But this is the reason for these blogs. I had to work it out in my mind why I don’t mind the “drudgery” of housework any more. Why was meal planning more fun. Why did I not mind ANY of it so much.

Part II next week.

Making Your Home a Haven - Part 4

This week's Challenge is: Keep your candle going, the music playing, and add some tender moments with your family. Have a pillow party in the family room and get out every blanket and pillow in the house and be cozy with the kids or your hubby! Even if you live alone you can do this. Enjoy a cozy evening of hot cider and caramel corn. Give a 5 minute back rub to every single person in your house...and for a double challenge- try to give one every day to each family member! During your tender moment with the family, ask them how they feel about this challenge. Are they enjoying it? Is it helpful? Is there anything they would change. Give your family listening ears. 

Every morning when the kids wake up we cuddle on the couch. It's my time to snuggle while they are still too sleepy to be on the move. During the day I can sneak in hugs and kisses, but they usually result in wrestling matches. So I love this time with them when they sit quietly with me and talk about their dreams the night before. Dominic has wild dreams (like his Daddy and Grammy). Caitlin might also, but I can't understand most of what she's saying. =)

I'm working on listening better to what my children are saying. I'm really bad about tuning them out after 10 minutes of the same story I heard earlier. But like I said, I'm working on it.

I laughed about the back rubs. I would LOVE to have a back rub. But everyone else in my house is ticklish. Who in the world is too ticklish to have their back rubbed? Turns out my whole family. Since they don't enjoy it, it never occurred to them to give me one. =) But hugs and tickles will work just fine to let them know they are loved.

Right after waking up this morning.

Making Your Home a Haven - Part 3

Here's week #3's Challenge: List a few of the spots in your home that make you visually stressed because of all the clutter. Now go buy something for that spot - like a basket to put it all in! Work on cleaning up clutter. Throw things away. While you're at it - clean up some clutter in your spiritual life. What gets in the way of your peace spiritually? 

I've been getting Fly Lady emails since I joined her website right after we moved. I'm a terrible procrastinator and so am not a very good housekeeper. And yet I also really, really hate dirt and clutter. I needed someone to hold me accountable. This has been a lifesaver. 

So this challenge was very easy for me.

When we moved into the house we carefully went through each box and as we pulled something out we put it away, trashed it or put it in a box to be donated. They know me by name at the local Goodwill now. But it's so refreshing to have only the things we will need. And since this house is larger and has more storage it is so much easier to keep everything in it's place.

It didn't take long before we knew what spots would be the worst in our new house. I had assumed it would be the island. But we eat every meal there and so it makes it a bit difficult to keep clutter there. Which means that it gravitates to the opposite counter and the computer area. Also keeping two lap tops, portable dvd player, chargers, etc. looking neat is difficult.

A coworker made this basket for my birthday one year. It's perfect for keeping chargers and computer cords in.

Right after we moved in I purchased these two boxes on clearance. We had tons of brochures, maps and fliers for places we want to visit that are close by. But it was hard to even find them all piled with everything else on the counter. So the first box is being used for our adventures. I haven't put anything into the second box yet. Still working on that.

The "shelves" are used for things to be filed, bills to be paid, and the kid's scrap paper. As you can see, they are over flowing.

  

Keeps pens, pencils and scissors handy.

 My calender is for EVERYTHING the family has going on. The bulletin board has the list of books to return to the library, some business cards and my menu for the month complete with grocery lists. My type-A is VERY proud of this. =) It also helps my family know what is going on or being cooked even if I'm not here.

As far as the spiritual aspect - 

I'm having a really hard time with patience. I hate waiting on my family members to fulfill my requests and I get very impatient when they are slow to realize my vision of how something is supposed to be.

I've been praying for patience so I can be at peace with my family regardless of how slow they might be.

Making Your Home A Haven - Week 2

Week 2 - Making Your Home a Haven

This week's challenge is two-fold also: Play soft music everyday in your home. Choose worship, classical or another form of peaceful music that the family enjoys. Focus on using peaceful words and maintaining peaceful relationships. Remind your family to avoid seething anger, tattling, criticism or back talk. Role model gentleness this week. 

I think that this could be a difficult challenge. It's seems much easier to get frustrated than to take a few minutes to calmly look at the situation. Dominic really struggles with this. He lets out these awful yells and growls when he's frustrated. =) I want my home to be peaceful and welcoming whenever people enter so I'm glad that Courtney chose this challenge.

Proverbs 15:1 says "A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger."

I will also be keeping my candle burning. It smells really good and the kids really like it. Dominic thinks it's a thankfulness candle and so he's always telling me what he's thankful for when he walks by it.

Peace at Home

I mentioned earlier about following a blog Women Living Well.

She will frequently have what she calls challenges.

Here is the first challenge for Making Your Home a Haven.

Go buy an extra large candle and light a candle everyday in your home. I will be starting mine in the morning! But you can start yours at dinner time. Do what makes sense for your family. I will be placing mine in the kitchen - the main hub of my home. Each time the candle catches your eye, say a prayer for peace in your home.

I know that I'm already doing the marriage challenge, but this one is easy and sounded like something my home could use. Often I find myself getting frustrated with my children because they aren't paying attention, are making a mess, etc. It's only the 2nd day that I've had my candle sitting on the island, but I've noticed that it brings the issue to my mind more. It also helps to remind me when I'm about to get super frustrated because my children have just unloaded the entirety of their dressers onto the floor or pulled all 100+ cassette tapes out of the goodwill box and left them all over the house. Having something sitting in sight reminds me to take a breath and remember that they are only children and it must have been so much fun making that mess. 

It also helps me not to worry. This seems to be a part of having peace for me. I'm a worry wart and since worrying doesn't ever help the situation I've been working on it. 

 

On another note, I've been getting up at 6am with Jon every morning. He doesn't wake up mentally until about 9am so it isn't for more conversation. =) It's so that my whole day starts out on a better note. While living in NC I would sleep until the kids woke me up. Then it was a rush to get out the door or accomplish the many things on my list. If I'm awake before the kids wake up I can be completely ready for my day by the time Jon leaves for work and then I can curl up in my library chair and have my devotions. Silly me was surprised by how much better my mornings were after this change. It's also inspired me to go to bed early. I'm just too tired to stay awake. =) 

 

 The chair is super comfortable and while the area around it is still messy the view from the front window is peaceful and I've been able to concentrate.

Our new home

Jon and I are now impatiently waiting to move into our new home. We've made the offer, been accepted and completed all of the legwork. On September 1, 2010 we will own a 3 bedroom, 2 bath home here in
Cookeville, TN. And by own, I mean paid for! That is the most exciting thing about the house. But the space for a library comes a VERY close second. This home needs some cosmetic work and I've been spending my spare time making lists and copying pictures of the changes that I want to make. I found the fabric today that will go perfectly in my bedroom and the kitchen. But the bones that we wanted and the price are all perfect. 

I'm so very, very excited. I will be taking a ton of pictures when we move in so that I can post before and after pictures of the changes I've made. But I can post a couple from when I toured the house right now.

The kitchen pictures

 Looking through the library into the dining room.

The bathroom pictures.
I've bought chocolate brown towels and have a brown bath mat. I'll use the brown to tone down all of the pink. Then I bought a pink, white and brown shower curtain (since we are removing the shower doors) to tie everything together.